A Full Guide to Consistency in Relationships

It is difficult to imagine someone who would not think about human relationships and strive for them as the base for their happiness. The more we get to know other people, the more anxiety we have in life. We hurt, doubt ourselves, we are looking for answer. And with age, as a rule, we come to certain conclusions, which we then defend in disputes, pass on to our children and begin to consider valid.

We will talk about some universal truths concerning consistency in relationships because they are needed in a transition from online dating to a stable, healthy relationship. What does being consistent in a relationship mean, and is it that important? 

What is consistency in general?         

"I am passionate about my partner," "We don't have time for each other, but we meet periodically," "I do not feel crazy in love with them," "I love them more than they do me." How many times have we heard and said something like that? Those are signs of inconsistency in relationships that hint on immaturity. Because adult people realize that passion will fade away one day, and the unwavering period of routine will certainly arrive. People are often afraid of cast-iron certainty in love and strive for changes.

Many do not realize that the excitement in the beginning of a relationship is associated with some insecurity in a partner. Animal passion and rush of hormones make us behave irrationally. We want to get a second date as soon as possible and ignore the red flags. Today's romance gives us a damaging new promise, claiming that we can satisfy both needs in the same relationship. Our chosen one should be both a stable, reliable rock and a person who can elevate us above the world's everyday life. In the early stages of a relationship, this fusion of opposites seems logical. At first, we don't think we'll have to choose between stability and adventure.

The initial period of a relationship is unique: it gives us the relief of mutual love while allowing us to look with enthusiasm towards the future that is yet to be created. What we often don't realize, however, is that some insecurity initially fuels arousal and that only consistency relationship is a healthy one that will last.

What does consistency mean in relationships with a partner?           

The meaning of creating long-term relationships constantly changes. This used to be both the vital task of giving birth and raising offspring, carried out in a long-term union of a man and a woman, and a practical male and female purpose, which for centuries allowed to divide work into male and female, thereby providing an opportunity to survive.

The desire to be together, just because it is good together, today is a sufficient reason to live together, to get married. When the feeling of crazy joy that you are cool together gradually disappears (and this is normal and good), then it should be replaced by a feeling of trusting constancy. 

Lack of consistency in relationships: sure signs.

 All people in love should trace their behavior and that of the partner to make sure they treat their relationship the same way. Pay attention to these signs to make sure that your relationship is consistent and not just passion that will make you split in a few months.

"Crazy" love

After a few unsuccessful dates, it's only natural to dive headlong into a relationship with a partner who seems to admire you so much. But if they start saying "I love you" after just a couple of weeks of dating, then it's time to leave. Except for the really rare varieties of love at first sight, people who pronounce such statements are prone to manifestations of violence and controlling their partners.

Big promises

You have just met, and a person already promises you to take you on vacation to another city or to love you forever. Most likely, everything will be exactly the opposite, as psychologists believe. Be sure to pay attention to the words and actions, since big promises made at the very early stage of acquaintance are alarming signs that should arouse suspicion.

Talking about the ex

Even on the first date, it is quite natural to casually touch on the topic of previous relationships, especially since this can be interesting for both partners. But if a person continues to talk about them further in your dating, this means they are not over the past, and your relationship cannot move to the next logical stage.

Need for attention

It is very nice if the person you like needs mutual attention. It is not very pleasant if they require this attention is required for him non-stop, especially in those minutes when you work or chat with friends. The person doesn't love you; they see you as their property they can use for now and then leave.

Jealousy

Not a very pleasant quality that almost every person has. It's okay for a person in love with you to show some jealousy, but total control is unhealthy for consistency in relationships. If you notice that you are constantly beginning to make excuses for your partner, such a relationship certainly does not have a good future.

Complains and tantrums

If you argue and cannot discuss what worries you, your relationship has no prospects of developing. You should hear each other, compromise, and change for the sake of love. Of course, a person who is not treating you seriously has no intention of listening about your anxiety. 

Tips on being consistent in a relationship

 If you expect some specific instruction with clear steps and time frames on how to be consistent in a relationship, we hasten to upset you — each case is individual. Only two people know what is better for them. Nevertheless, some rules will make your relationship gradually develop into a life-long fairytale.

Honesty

The most difficult rule, but without it, there can be no talk of any serious relationship. If you don't like something about your partner: their behavior, action, or, conversely, inaction, learn to talk about it immediately. Do not accumulate negative energy in yourself, which then grows into a scandal at best or mental illness at worst. If you can't tell it directly, write on a piece of paper. From time to time, you can arrange evenings of truth and honestly talk to each other about your feelings and experiences without any offense. Then it will be easier and more pleasant to build relationships.

Correct distribution of roles

Consistency in a relationship can only be built when each partner plays a role. One person creates comfort in the house (and this is not about washing-cleaning-cooking), fills the house with beauty and warmth, makes plans for future leisure, rest, travel, etc. The other one solves life problems, protects, and cares. Both partners should not try to be leaders in a relationship. 

Respect

Learn to respect your beloved. If you doubt them and do not respect them as a person, you will not be able to build long-term stable relationships. When choosing a person as our partner, we must admire them, share interests, and believe in everything they do. And ask the same about yourself.

To be able to take and give

A relationship between two people requires them to be interested and involved in building a healthy connection. If you just stand on the sidelines and wait for your partner to do something, you won't get anywhere. Both of you should invest in a relationship, seek a compromise, surprise each other, make surprises and gifts, come up with fun ways to spend your leisure time, and then the relationship will move in the right direction.

Start from yourself

To build a healthy relationship with a partner, you need, first of all, to be able to build healthy relationships in general with people. If everyone around is a culprit for you, soon, even the best partner will become an obstacle to your happiness. Do not blame others for your fails. One of the consistency in relationships quotes says that the sense of stability starts inside.

Be ready to change

In the same way, you can get out of any life scenario, change some of your qualities. This is how egoists endure difficult trials and develop empathy. Former introverts take their dream jobs at a creative company and stop being introverts. They weren't really introverts. They were simply withdrawn. Perhaps the whole point is that they were previously forced to be in an unfriendly environment.

Do not stick to one scheme

The more we use anyone's picture of the world, the more the alternative pictures of the world die-off in our minds. The more you develop relationships with other people according to one scheme, the less you use other models. If you have been married for ten years and begin to notice that the relationship between you transformed into blaming, screaming and swearing, from a biological point of view, you have stopped using alternative communication models.

Use love as the motivation

We can stop quarreling, become honest with each other, stop cheating, learn to forgive and respect each other, see the best in close people, and walk together towards our quiet happiness. We can change and choose how we live. The most important thing is to regain the motivation to be there and organize an emotional exchange.

Remember about your personal boundaries

Often people feel a constant urge to be needed and irreplaceable and the desire to "earn" love through, for example, caring for a partner. In this case, it is not the personality of a partner that comes to the fore. Their qualities become unimportant; the main thing is that they exist, which means there is an object for service. When someone who is ready to "carry a favor" finds someone who wants to have a "servant," the illusion of harmonious relations is created.

Distinguish a habit from love

As a habit, psychological attachment is formed gradually. After some time, quite slowly, until recently, a stranger becomes an integral part of life to such an extent that one gets the impression: "They are a natural part of me." A striking example of this is when a boy and a girl grew up together, went to school together, then entered the same university, and developed a brother-sister relationship. Over time, one of them may feel in love with the other.

In the modern union, utilitarian meanings are more and more blurred and unobvious. The living conditions have ceased to create a need for a partner as an object that ensures survival. And we can happily say that now we want to live together to be emotionally close. The importance of consistency in relationships lies in what people strive for it even though they have a choice. We love our partners and want to give them a sense of stability, Giving and receiving satisfying our emotional needs. Caring, attention, interest, intimacy, support, touch, warmth in the eyes, the ability to be open, and trust give us the strength to live.